Sex, Love & Relationships

Roderick Asks: Can Men And Women Really Be “Just Friends”?

October 30, 2012

It’s the age old discussion that keeps on keeping us interested and has plagued couples for years. By now you’ve probably heard it over and over again and formulated your own opinion on it based on life experiences or watching others. But the question still remains a hot button topic.

Can men and woman truly just be friends or does jealously or sexual attraction always get in the way???

My answer is simply no, they can’t.Β Now before you chew my head off or stop reading, hear me out.

To get to my conclusion you have to do what I did and that’s define friendship in your own terms. My definition of friendship is persons who share similar interests, who like being around and hanging with each other for no other reasons other than a completely platonic relationship.

That’s where the problems starts.

To put it simply, let me quote Billy Crystal from “When Harry Met Sally”. “Men and women can’t be friends.. the sex part always gets in the way.” From my experience, every female I called my “friend” I’ve been attracted to, tried to talk to or had talked to on a romantic level.

Now it might not have panned out like I wanted because as Steve Harvey said on ABC’s Good Morning America last year, “You’re only friends with her because she has made it clear that’s all you’ll ever be.” That guy you swear up and down is like your brother is like that because you’ve made it clear that’s all he will ever be.Β And Steve Harvey makes a good point. Don’t believe him? Go find your best guy friend you swear loves being your friend and tell him you want to be more than just friends. See what he does and what he says. Can you really call that a true friend??

Here’s a secret about guys you might not have noticed. When it comes to women, if we think we have even a SLIVER of a chance, we become the most patient creatures on earth. Waiting years is not out of the question. Men will be your “friend” as long as there is hope for more. And he might even genuinely care about you, but with my definition of friendship, can you call someone your friend who would be willing to put your friendship in jeopardy for something more. How is that a friend??

And when it comes to relationships, opposite sex “friendships” only complicates matters even in the most secure relationships. People who I consider my true friends are people who I can relate to on a multitude of levels. And those people are guys. We go through the same things and understand what we have to go through as men. Yes I have “homegirls” who are comparable to friends, all of which I dated or aspired to date, so in my mind I couldn’t put them in the friend category.

So while I don’t think men and women aren’t meant or built to be “friends” per my definition, two adults can have a friend like relationship. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule and I’m not shooting those down saying those aren’t authentic friendships. But I dare you to take a look at all the guys you consider your friend and make an honest assessment of the relationship. Would he sleep with you if you asked?? Really? Some friend.


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  • Reply Jessica October 30, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Now Rod, I don’t normally agree with you but I do share similar views on this topic. I can honestly say that most of (NOT ALL) the “homeboys” I’ve had (or currently have) did express some type of attraction to me. Because it wasn’t mutual, I felt that it was OK to be friends with them. Now if I had those same attractions or feelings then I wouldn’t call it a friendship…it would be a little more than that.

  • Reply Claire October 30, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Honestly, I have to agree. I have a few ‘true’ friends, but if it came down to it, and I offered, I am not positive they would say no :) Good points Rod!

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